It has rained in Seoul for the past three days-- the kind of rain that makes the land vibrate; where full fields look like they're boiling.
The saying goes that when it rains, it pours, and for me-- this week-- the saying is true.
So in accordance with that damn saying, my computer crashed. It was my lesson in supplimenting a lonely weekend by downloading the entire series of Sex and the City.
Stupid, stupid!
So now I'm at a PC Bong fulfilling my baser desires by browsing facebook. And (in Carrie Bradshaw style, as tribute to my weekend) I couldn't help but wonder-- in a digital world, where lives are picture perfect (thanks to the "untag" option) is everyone really as happy as they seem?
For me, these days I'm experiencing the lonely side of travel. The side where you're looking back on what you once had and realizing it's gone and you're living in a small apartment in Seoul, South Korea in a certain shade of neon from the pay-by-the-hour Honey Motel across the street, watching Sex and the City and wondering what the hell you're doing with your life.
The reason I always wanted to travel is because I always wanted to put myself out of my comfort zone. I felt like in travel, I could find something-- whether it be something about myself, something about the world, or something about what I wanted to do with my life. Actually, I wanted to find all three. But it seems all I'm finding is that I had already found it. And now it's gone.
A friend of mine says that's just a drawback of travel-- it can be unstable and at times, it can make you miss what you once had.
So is that how we're supposed to live out our lives-- cursed by having been blessed? Or is learning the lesson that we didn't appreciate what we once had, the only way to learn to appreciate what we have.
Recently I haven't been able to tell if the weather fits my mood or if my mood fits the weather. But life has shown me-- and I know-- that both will always get better.
In the meantime, there's music. And here's something one of my best friends Megan sent me; ignorant to how I feel, and all too perfect. Let me know what you think.
Monday, September 13, 2010
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I like the song very much and I love your writing. I admire your adventures and am cursed as well with having this hindsight vision that will not leave me...I press on best I can to see that the blurry future before me will also hold treasures as great as those that we have left in our past. I love you, sweetie, and hope you are happy, it's just a bitch that happiness takes so much work sometimes...come visit when you can.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Liza. I don't think anyone is immune to this feeling every once in a while. A friend of mine says, "sometimes you gotta get it wrong to get it right" and I think that's true. It's so kind of you to say that you can relate. I love you so much and I can't wait to visit when I get home and finally meet beautiful Maylea.
ReplyDeleteAnne-Claire, my name is Stephanie; I'm about the same age as you, and heard about you from your dad while exercising at the Y. His stories about where you've been were so exciting, but also somewhat painful to hear. I just moved back from 2 years of living in Germany, where I raised teenage girls from around the world. The adventure and travel and excitement of it all was wonderful. But while there, I started to crave something more normal-- my own place to live, not a dorm; a "normal" job -- not something 24/7. Well, all that to say that now that I'm back, I miss it there. This post of yours really resonates with those exact experiences. Anyhow, just letting you know I'm enjoying your writing!
ReplyDeleteAhh, so I see you've met my unofficial promoter. But seriously, you have no idea how happy it makes me to read a comment like that and know I'm not alone in the feeling. Thank you so, so much Stephanie.
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