Hansel And Gretel

In case you're ever left doubting the effectiveness of your lesson plans, just ask your students:

"What's the weather today?"

If they answer, "It's Friday!" you know.

If it's Monday, well, you can be certain.

You'd think this answer, so early on a Monday morning, would cause me to lose all hope in my students. But I persevere, knowing they'll catch up. Because in this country, hard work and long hours is the status quo.

Think about the US and how, at the end of the day, school buses take students home.

In Korea, they take students to other schools.

So each day at 2:30, the bell rings and children run excitedly to the buses like little Hansels and Gretels running ignorantly into the oven.

"There's no candy in the bus! But there's no candy in the..."

Slam. Lock.

Their work ethic is ineffable. The only way it could be given proper justice is if it were given a rhyme scheme and set to the tune of "I'm a Woman."

Well I get up at 8 and start the day by studying before class. I study Korean, science and history. And then I study math. I do my homework 'til midnight and then play computer games 'till I win. I wake up at 8 and wash my face and then start all over again. (jazz fingers) 'Cause I'm Korean. K.O.R.E.A.N.

...Whatever. I thought it was funny.

So in the midst of breaking up a fight one day, I come upon a complaint that I feel is uniquely Korean:

"Stop fighting!" I say. "Why did you hit her?!"

"I said I already know this and I want to learn something more. So she called me a jackass and hit me."

Ah, the old I-want-to-learn-more complaint.

My co-teacher interjects. "You want to learn more?"

Uh-oh.

"Yes."

"Something different?"

"Yes."

"Something new?"

I sense a trap Hansel, I sense a trap...

"Yes."

She smiles.

"Then you can learn consideration."

How I Met My Spouse

Koreans in general meet each other on blind dates set up through friends. In Busan, a popular first date spot is a restaurant called, and I can't make this shit up, Guess Who-- a name so appropriate, it belongs in the same category with Alexis' autograph from the famous track star, I-Perfection.

"Yah, yah, yah. We just called him Harris."

My good friend Marc recently wrote me on the topic of his upcoming blind date, in which his skepticism clearly outweighs his excitement:

"It's like going to the thrift store to find the perfect pair of underwear. Or something."

But when you ask most Korean couples how they met, they usually say it was this way: A friend set them up with someone he or she knows. Pictures were exchanged. They said nae or annio.

Which gives me an idea-- today's subject for my adult conversation class: how you met your spouse; sure to spark interesting dialogue where we branch off into different topics, filling the entire class period; all the while leaving me to plan nothing more than:

"How did you meet your spouse?"

"Blind date."

"Blind date."

"Blind date."

"Same."

Foiled again!

But now I'm curious. Searching for a more interesting story, I probe a happy expat couple I know here.

"How did you two meet in Korea?"

"We met at a bar and had sex. Same as most expats."